His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
