He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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