Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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