Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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