Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
