how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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