Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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