Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
