Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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