don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
