So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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