Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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