Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
