I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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