i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
