He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
