I wish my penis had an off switch
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
