We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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