Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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