my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
