i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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