oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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