I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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