No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You smell like stripper and shame
someone owes me an orgasm
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
