I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
