Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
