he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You ruined the universe
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
