and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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