So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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