Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
