She announced her abortion via fbk
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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