"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
