just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
