please come you make the beer taste better
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
