I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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