Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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