Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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