I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Screwed.edu
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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