I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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