Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
