Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
