Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
