Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
