You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
