Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex on a dog bed..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize