you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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