What did we do last night that was yellow?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
