i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
