My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found the other keg... it's in the tree
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
