I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
