Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
