literally had 100 drinks last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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