How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
