And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
