I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
