having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
