you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
