Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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