Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize