weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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