You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
