Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
