i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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