dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
