i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize