I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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