woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize