we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
