wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
