The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
