guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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