wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
