Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
