VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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