yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
