I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Gay?
German.
Pity.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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