I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
