You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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