This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
