just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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