if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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