I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want her autograph on my taint
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
