6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
