I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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