grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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