the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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