i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
