Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
someone owes me an orgasm
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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