omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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