do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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