Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What a dumb baby whore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
