omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
