Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(