I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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