I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
