I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.