You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful