did you get engaged???
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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